All in the Family

All in the Family Quotes

Mike Stivic: What were you saying about colored families having no love?
Archie Bunker: Why is it you can remember everything except how to work?

Archie (Carroll O'Connor) and Edith (Jean Stapleton) singing during the opening credits of every show: Boy, the way Glenn Miller played. Songs that made the hit parade. Guys like us, we had it made. Those were the days. And you knew who you were then, girls were girls and men were men. Mister, we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again. Didn't need no welfare state. Everybody pulled his weight. Gee, our old LaSalle ran great. Those were the days.

• Those Were The Days, written by Lee Adams and Charles Strouse.






Archie saying to anyone: "Get away from me, you!" and "Don't breathe on me."


Archie: "It says so right there in the Bible, Meathead. 'In pain shall youse give birth.'" To what Mike said: "God said 'youse'?"


Archie Bunker: Stifle!

Archie: You wanna put your mother and me through the same kind of shame? Besmooze the family name like that?

Archie: Three Men in a Tub, they had a water shortage in them days. So everything in Fairyland was in threes, you know, except the dwarfs. There was seven of them 'cause they was little and the wolf was after them so the wolf came running after them and boy he had one hell of a breath. He blew down their house and they had to find another joint so they run through the woods and they run into Goldilocks and she took them all in to live with her and there's nothin' wrong with that because she was a nice girl and they're old anyway. So they got another house but the wolf came along and blew that one down too so then they run through the woods again and they come to a brick house and that belonged to Disney so they all moved in there and started working for him.

Archie Bunker: Here's something we can see in Disney World. They got an all bear band.
Edith Bunker: They got a naked band at Disney World?

Archie Bunker: I couldn't go to that thing even if I wanted to. We're supposed to be busy in here tonight.
Harry Snowden: I can handle it. I think you should go to the school show.
Archie Bunker: I hate school shows. I've hated school shows ever since I was this high. God, will I never forget. There was always some kid pounding a piano, and there was always some four-eyed sissy torturing a violin, a fat slob reciting "Trees", and then there was always the black kid singing, "My Yiddishe Mome".

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