Night Court

Night Court Quotes

[At his job interview, Dan finds that the hiring partner only wants him for an office gigolo]
Dan Fielding: You think you can call me in here, play your little bedroom games, take shots at my manhood? That's fine! I get that all the time! All right, maybe I wasn't able to afford some snooty Ivy League education. But let me tell you something. When you get your degree from the Bayou Academy of Law & Agriculture, you learn something else: a fighting sow-belly has to WORK for what he wants! Can't be afraid to get your snout dirty! You know, I live the law every day. In the courts and the jails of New York City. And I may have barf in my cuffs when I come home at night. But that's the way I like it. [building]
Dan Fielding: That's why I have the highest conviction rate of any DA in this city. And that's why I have the lowest percentage of overturned cases! And that's why you can say anything you want to about my manhood, but nobody, lady - NOBODY - can touch Dan Fielding in a court of law. [throws off his jacket]
Dan Fielding: Or for that matter, anywhere else!
Toni Corbin: You mean...?
Dan Fielding: [yanks off his tie] I mean, hold on to your Dixie Cups, babes! THE SOUTH SHALL RISE AGAIN!

[on trial are a group of beauty contestants who attacked their sneaky pageant coordinator]
Dan Fielding: Your Honor, according to witnesses, Miss Congeniality led the attack with a kick to the groin.

Bull Shannon: [approaches the cafeteria table where everyone is sitting. He is wearing boxers and a t-shirt] Hi, guys.
Harry Stone: Bull?
Bull Shannon: Oh, don't worry, Your Honor. I'm just having one of those dreams where you show up to work in your underwear.
Harry Stone: Bull, this isn't a dream.
Bull Shannon: It's not? [everyone shakes there heads]
Bull Shannon: Yikes! [Bull runs out]

Christine: [drunk] Buddy! Harry! I've gotta go! I've gotta stop him! [She rushes to the door, and crashes into it]
Buddy Ryan: I used to do that a lot. But I'm feeling much better now!

Court Clerk MacIntosh 'Mac' Robinson: [Mac needs help identifying sex toys] Hey Dan, you know this stuff?
Dan Fielding: [big smile] Like the palm of my hand.

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