The Simpsons

The Simpsons Quotes

[Manjula and Apu are in the hospital with newborns]
Apu: How did we get eight?
Manjula Nahasapeemapetilon: Apu, I must confess. When we were having trouble conceiving, I took fertility drugs.
Apu: Wooh. I, too, am afraid I'm guilty of monkeying with nature. I slipped fertility drugs into your breakfast squishy.
Hibbert: [Using a calculator] Mmm-hmm. Well that would only account for quintuplets. Did anyone *else* slip this woman fertility drugs? [Homer, Marge, and Bart raise their hands]
Homer Simpson: Mine tasted like strawberry. [Homer pops one into his mouth]
Homer Simpson: Ovulicious...

For other uses, see The Simpsons (disambiguation).


[a gay pride parade is marching past the Simpson home]
Gay men: We're here. We're queer. Get used to it.
Lisa: We are used to it. You do this every year.
Gay man: Aww, you take all the fun out of it.

[a police officer has mistaken a green-painted Homer for the Incredible Hulk]
Stan Lee: He's not the Hulk... I'M the Hulk. [rips shirt, growls and tries to change into Hulk]
Stan Lee: I don't understand, I did it once before.
Comic Book Guy: Oh, please, you couldn't turn into Bill Bixby.

Homer Simpson: D'oh!

Homer Simpson: To the panic room!
Marge Simpson: We don't have a panic room!
Homer Simpson: To the panic room store!

Homer Simpson: All right: these are our new family security rules. Be home before dark, and make sure you're not followed. Lock all doors and windows.
Marge Simpson: And don't take candy from strangers.
Homer Simpson: Marge, they're only human!

Lisa Simpson: Bart, you're my big brother. You should act like it more often. You know, protect me from the bad things in the world.
Bart Simpson: As far as nerdy little sisters go, you're the coolest.
Lisa Simpson: Thanks, Bart.
Bart Simpson: And I'm sorry I sabotaged your flag.
Lisa Simpson: I'm sorry I got us lost out here.
Bart Simpson: Oh! And I'm sorry I sawed the heads of your Malibu Stacy dolls. Okay, now you go.
Lisa Simpson: I don't think I've done anything else.
Bart Simpson: Okay, I'll go again. Remember when your bike was mangled by "gypsies"?
Lisa Simpson: Yes?
Bart Simpson: Yeah, funny story. One day I was really bored, and Dad had left a steamroller idling in the driveway...

Mr. Kidkill: Escort these gentlemen out.
Gay Dressing Room Bodyguard: Avec plaisir.

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